I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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