hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
