I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
