How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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