She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
