You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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