you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
