Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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