Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
