Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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