I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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