I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
