Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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