using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
