I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I pour the whiskey from now on
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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