I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
