Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
