I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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