You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
