And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
