Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
