From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
