I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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