My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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