i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
