I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
