yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
