He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
