Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
