saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
