The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
