Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
40s are totally the cure
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
