I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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