On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
