The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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