Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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