My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
worst night to have a conscience
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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