what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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