who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
