I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
