dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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