Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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