nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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