We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
