She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
