you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
