Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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