is your mom at the bar?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
