I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
