I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
