I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
