he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
