I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
