smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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